K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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