I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
