i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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