Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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