ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
