If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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