if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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