did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If that was your dad, he is hot
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize