He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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