I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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