When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
