NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
