if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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