Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
