Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
