You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize