He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
His nipple licking is glorious
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