The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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