I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
worst night to have a conscience
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
