Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
