We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
