my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
