dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
