I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
zippers are such a cool invention
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
