I wish I could teleport
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
