so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
