Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
