how hairy? two words: wookie tits
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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