i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
