Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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