Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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