i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
