wrigley field is MILF paradise
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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