I want to have your abortion
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
