if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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