I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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