i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
