Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He has the fingertips of a God
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
