her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
