I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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