Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
