Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
