My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
