Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
