I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
