I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
