the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
