I have demons in me.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
