haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
