i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
