At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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