best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
