He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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