I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So. Much. Porn.
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