Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
