Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
my liver is dry heaving
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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