I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
