porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
