He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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