Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
