we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
