After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize