i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
