Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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