I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
