Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.

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(559): View more from California

Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.

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(805): View more from California

im having a threesome with these popsicles

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.

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(707): View more from California

someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.

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(217): View more from Illinois

she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work

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(415): View more from California

turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.

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