I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
