i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
