I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
