Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
operation have a gay friend backfired
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
