omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
